Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Val Venis

Val Venis moved effortlessly from the adult film industry to professional wrestling. It is said that it was his first move as a professional that didn't involve a tube of lubricant and a fluffer.
The industries are very similar I guess, which is probably how he managed a such a successful transition.After all...

A lot of action takes place it the ring, although some takes place out of it.
If you are a big star, you might need to last 30 minutes or more, but smaller stars can get away with 10 minutes of solid action. If you are making a name for yourself, you will need to let the bigger names have their way with you. Big sweaty men will undoubtedly end up on top of you at some point. You will end up with a bad taste in your mouth. There will always be a businessman behind the scenes trying to shaft you.
And of course, no matter what you do, your audience will always demand you give more.

With his background known, the brains at the WWE worked out an hilarious name for him that rhymes with a particular part of the male anatomy ( hint, its not Val rhyming with bowel ). They had a good chuckle about that, but it still wasn't far enough, so for the coup de grace, his "happy ending" if you will, they named his finish move the 'money shot'.

That too was good, but what I really want to know, is why there has never been mention of Val's previous film endeavours. Surely " On Golden Blonde " deserves to be set next to " The Marine " on WWE's merchandise tables, and isn't " Hairy Twatter and the Philosopher's Bone " every bit the cinematic equal of " See No Evil ", and if you have any doubt whether I'd rather check out " Lawrence of A Labia " or " The Condemned "... Well, you just haven't been paying attention.

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